afterthoughts

Goodbye 2009 hello 2010. its been one heck of a ride.

from accepting that failure its not the end of the world even though at that time it seemed like it was.(im such a drama queen) but it has also made me realise that  people around me has been very supportive of me.and im very much thankful for it.

facing and staring at brick walls and thinking that it looks like there really is almost  no way for me to crossover.and again i learned that if i give people  time and have faith people can really surprise me.beyond my expectations.

seeing on how welcoming a new life into the world can change so many things and how hard it was for her.im really amazed by her strentgh in staying strong and being firm for what and how she wants it to be.and of course seeing how that experience has changed her, made me realise things happen for a reason and its up to you how you want to make do with the situation.good or bad.your choice.homie is a role model for standing up for herself.so strong even my parents are amazed by you.needless to say of course i am too.

i have learned that keeping things in really does not help at all.i might think at that time that if i keep it all it solves the  issue.more like i was seriously in denial and trying to run away from it ada la..haish.good thing i have got it through my stubborness that that's nota solution.

and of course finally one of the changes is you.yes you boo.ur great.i really think you should know that i think you've been great and im gushing over you.hehehe.i am so lucky and thankful to have you :*

Alhamdulilah it has been a wothwhile ride and no regrets of the things i've been through it has thought me and i've learnt from it all.so long farewell 2009.

Random surprise

By showing up and surprising me you changed my ordinary day to a great day.Getting to spend sometime just me and you in the afternoon walking around looking at random things,browsing through the antique store and just talking has made my day.Its the simple little things that made me smile : )




boo : ur gf loves you very much

~my abang's graduation~

Congratulations abang! my big brother have graduated and now it's the beginning of a new chapter in your life.Once you've start working and you're earning your own money you can always take your sister out for treats.yeay! of course take mama and abah for treats first then your sisters.hehehe.i can see both mama and abah is happy that their eldest has graduated.now its your time to go out and venture out for new things and experiences out there.i pray for all the best for you abang.lots of love,fibs : )

*she's a cutie pie*

An addition to the family,its a little baby girl.congratulations hommie! she's so tiny i was afraid to carry her the

the first time.i had to wait til she's a few days old til i had the courage to carry her.she's a cutie and of course i cant wait to spoil my niece with pretty dresses,toys and loads of candies and everything else i can think of later.As for now i'm on the lookout for a cute tiny little dress for my tiny little niece.an excuse and reason to go shopping~

evrything n everyone needs time n space

It has become very clear to me now that the more i try to fix things the worse it gets,the harder i try the worst it gets.i am trying my best to fix it and clearly im not doing the right thing seeing as everything i've done n said is wrong.the way i see it for now, everyone is tense,sad,hurt,angry,annoyed,irritated and is literaly at the edge and will blow of any time soon.the same way as im feeling.so i should know better than to keep on trying to fix it when clearly im making it worse.my parents are worried and is dissapointed with me.and that makes me sad that i dissapointed them,my other half is going thru her own major life issues i should not burden her with mine,the one's close to me is extremely irritated with my efforts and i should back off now before i make it worse,im too distracted with my problems that lately i havent been the usual me for the him and i havent been there for him.and im hurt and im confuse and i know im not the only one with problems.im guessing others have enough on their plate already and to not want  to deal with additional problems and issues.no matter how much i've cried will not fix things and i was told a good advice that crying will not make it better.so looks like whats best for now is everyone and everything needs time and space.

attachment : when boredom strikes.

BORING.its very boring most of the time.there's not much to do and i honestly am not sure how am i going to fill up the practical training log book.been to court once,and aution once,it was intresting to see how things goes there.other than that most of the time in the office helping out with filing,or looking for cases, photocopying, typing out stuff,when there's work to do i get excited.which is unsual for me.exception this time around probably its bcos im so bored.whenever there's work given to me i gladly accept it.hahaha.i'd rather do work than play games and surf the net.after all what is attchment for then? 16 more days to go.haih..

sniffles

been enjoying the semester holidays for about a week plus now and now on monday will be starting my attachment.im scared and im nervous.and to top it all i am having flu.this is not good..i hope my flu gets well soon before monday.which is tomorrow.going for my 1st day of attachment with a runny nose is so not good.please get well soon.i really dont want to be sitting in the office sneezing and blowing my nose non stop.what kind of 1st impression is that.and talk about embarrasing.shoo! sniffles

*wish list*

photgraphy

I really want to learn how to take nice photos or it doesnt necessarily has to be nice just so long its unique and different i guess.Now..where to learn photography techniques? Online through blogs or i could go sign up for courses n classes.

sewing

And another thing to add on to my wish list, is to learn  to sew. So i can sew clothes and pretty pretty dresses. Gotta look for a place that offer sewing classes and im gonna sign myself up in one. After all there's already the sewing machine in the house just sitting at the corner collecting dust and i've been wanting to learn to sew it makes sense, i can just use moms sewing machine. 

                                    

                                      

                                  

                                  

                                       

And of course travel the world check out their galleries and look for beautiful scenic views.

3 am

Goshh im having a mental breakdown and i cannot think..drank to much coffee and now even when i want to sleep i just cant seem to fall asleep.the gaps between the papers are to near and its really taking its toll on me.i'm really looking forward to the 9 days gap  for the last paper.actually even better, im looking foward when final exam finishes.

I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything

You're my perfect little punching bag

But baby I don't mean it

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me

And I need you, I'm sorry

happy 21st birthday boo!!

on a Sunday 25th October 2009 Mohd Khairul Azim turned 21. you might look young i can't deny that.but..fact is you are getting OLDER ; ) i liked that it was celebrated in a simple mellow way. just the way you like it.i hope u had a wonderful birthday syg.lots of love, xoxo.

inhale and exhale breathe = relieved

pheew... after a few busy,hectic and eventful weeks i am able to sit back for a moment and breathe. done with all the tests and i'm glad tok ayah is well and the surgery went well Alhamdulilah. he seemed really happy to see us visitng him.felt bad i was to busy to call and check on tok ayah.but after visiting him and seeing he's doing well i'm relieved.and he was talking so much about so many things and was also telling jokes.didnt know my tok ayah is a funny person.i am also relieved about the issue about the freaky guy is finally solved. seriously i dont like to talk bad bout others but when someone who makes a big deal out of something that is not even a big deal and tries to take advantage of another person especially someone i love and care for it really makes me angry and i would start calling that person names.a suitable name. FREAK. and as for A and Z be strong k.i was touched by what you said the other day about its not about taking sides its about standing by the person who is right.i respect your principle and am really proud of it.whatever it is be tough and take good care of A.im here too if in case any of you are in need of help.A you're beautiful and a nice person.its hard but try to stay calm and keep ur head up through this.if stress it calls the need for us to have to bring you to a spa.just us girls ; ) actually thinking of it sounds best if we get to do that.whatever it is always remember you have friends around you who are there for you.overall as for now i am relieved from all the hecticness of test and assigments.but..just or a short while because finals is next weeeek.gosh reading,reading and more reading and memorizing.study hard everyone and gudluck for finals! and finally.



CONGRATULATIONS LIY! you've graduated and i wish you all the best in your future.

why ooh why am i procrastinating?

it has been a looong tiring week. and i still have...

• books all over the floor that needs to be rearranged
• tests that i need to study for
• final exam that i need to study for
• case presentation that i need to prepare
• to go to the bookstore to buy the statutes that i need

so why exactly am i lazying around having gossip girl marathon? i think other than me freaking out about final exam,tired and im thinking God..this is hard.(im always whining) but after i had a talk with my ka che. it made me think.im being such a self centered,ignorant,oblivious,selfish brat.I've come this far,the money,effort and time spent all this while and instead of being thankful for the opportunity that i have to further my studies im constantly whining.I've got to stop whinning and deal with it.nothing in life is easy.there are times in life when we've all felt discouraged. but that's life its all part of the journey. I've gotta stay focused and keep my head up. last semester sucked bcos i failed a paper.but what i realised is that it has made me want to work harder.as for now. its the weekend! time to rest.have a good weekend everyone~

not the mellow lazy sunday i was hoping for

open houses and babysitting.i've officially had an overdose of rendang and all the other typical raya food.even mom noticed i hardly ate at the open house today.i would wait till i get back home and eat.oowh no thanx to rendang.no more for now.for babysitting i forgot how tiring it could be looking after a little one.so not the mellow sunday i was hoping for.wish i could lazy around and curl up with a good book or something.but seeing as exams is just round the corner lazying around is very unlikely to happen right now.i am freaking out inside.after what happened last semester repeating a paper.really dont want history to repeat itself.

was it something that i said

or was it something that i did

or the combination of both that did me in

you know im hoping that you'll sing along

although its not your favourite song

dont wanna be there when theres nothing left to say

Eid Ul Fitr

First and foremost selamat hari raya maaf zahir dan batin.sincerely seeking for forgiveness for all of my wrongdoings.hope everyone had a good raya. as for me as always the problem of overeating. especially everytime raya at kg.kelopes, rojak, soto, murtabak jawa,super hot & spicy sbhn sambal belacan,tanjung aru chicken wings and of course all the cookies and kuih raya.check for all that i've listed on my mind to eat back at kg.the only thing i cant check off my list is sago.didnt get the chance to eat that.bummer.whatever it is what im worried about now is that its only the 10th day of raya and i've already feel soo stuffed.i so have to control my eating or else i'll baloon up and all my clothes will be tight.OMG NIGHTMARE! im in need of an emergency fitness plan. pictures will be posted later.since some of it is with aqilah.

tiks: selamat hari raya maaf zahir dan batin.i hope u r still glowing jz like the way i saw u last time.hope raya in UK was ok.once you've settled down at ur place with classes and everything else please do remember to give me ur address.hugs n kisses.much love.

my head is much clearer now

So happy after being done with so many tests and final submission for mooting. it was almost as if i was beginning to be a zombie.unable to get enough sleep.my head fill with so many things.constantly thinking bout tests n submission.staying up to revise then staying up all night just to complete doing mooting.even so i still feel that i sucked during my mooting presentation.it was such a last minute work that i even did a mistake in referring to the principle for the case.stupid silly silly.heish.anyhows tried to do my best in the moot court in aswering the questions and of course staying patient while i feel as though the judge was verbally attacking me.the past few weeks has been so tiring.everytime i get a chance to lie down i'll straight away fall asleep. during the past few weeks when i've been non-stop working on submission n studying for test it just made me realise that after the long tiring hours spend on studying and completing the submission work i could have done better.i mean im happy and glad i've finished it.but i would be much happier if i had worked harder.nevermind the lack of sleep so long as i feel satisfied that my work was good.i'll definately work harder for the next tests and of course for finals.as for now i want to rest.cant believe how time flies by so fast.puasa is almost over and raya is just round the corner.balik kampung this year.food back there is good.looking foward to that.

1 year

happy anniversary boo

for
someone who understands me
who is able to tell what im feeling without me having to say a word
able to tolerate my indicisiveness
who would listen to me babble about all sorts of things
who would go the extra mile for me
who when im angry at him
wouldnt give up to find ways
to make me smile again
the person who can can cheer me up when im sad,
calm me down when im angry or when im worried.
who is able to deal with me and my mood swings
the person who i go to when im having a bad day
knowing that he would make me feel ok
or at least make me feel better then before
who would drive me around just because im bored
listen to me sing even tho i sound awful
the person who is so patient in dealing with my
all sorts of many moods and attitude
someone who would stay on the phn with me
stay up all nite just to keep me company
til i fall asleep
the person who i can trust enough
to be able to let my guard down and be as silly as i want to be
and as spoilt as i want to be
the one and only person.my boo.
happy anniversary.i love you boo.

im officially tonsiless

gift courtesy of mashi,ayumi,izyan,afif n wawa

last monday morning around 8 something almost 9 i think as i doze off after being given sufficient amount of anesthesia my tonsils have been removed.making me now tonsiless.and the pain of the surgery was..let me see its like someone forced a large dry rough stone thru my throat and also used sand paper to scrape thru my throat.hurts so much.and i was scared too after surgery as they were about to bring me back to my room i vomited and i saw blood on my hospital gown.i guess im sensative to the general anesthesia.i couldnt speak and was in so much pain i cried.and later on fell asleep.i woke up around five something i think and i could speak slowly.glad i could speak.for now im still on soft food diet.im slowly forcing my self to start eating solid food.im starting with the soft ones for now.i still cant eat anything that's hot in temperature and hot as in spicy.and obviously no normal food yet as it still hurts.for now i just look.hehehe.i was so touched when i got out of surgery i saw my mama and abah and also i saw tok and tok ayah.they came to see to make sure the surgery went ok.after dat my boo and danial came.i was so happy i talked so much.danial's mommy came too.with cookies.it so nice of her.and i was so suprised to see danials mom she looks young.i wonder what's her secret for awet muda..cookies are still sealed untill i've recovered and i can eat them.hehehe.not long after dat my kakak qilah came and later that evening the jing bam gang.they are like the clowns at the children's ward.they were making so much jokes.i laughed even tho it hurts.cant help it.later at night hommie n izzati came while family went for dinner.was held at hospital jz overnight.and for now i am resting a lot at home to recover from my surgery.sleep..sleep..and more sleep : )

im getting my tonsils remove

my tonsils have been swollen for 3 weeks in a row now so went to octor again..and doctor referred me to see ENT specialist and the specialist has advised me to remove my tonsils.well i have been contemplating that coz it hurts so much til i cant do my daily stuff.so anyhows 2mrws the surgery and im scared.i've never had any type or surgery.im praying that everything goes weel 2mrw.insya'Allah.gotta wake up early morning 2mrw coz i chose the 1st slot for 2mrws surgery.ok im off for now.updates on post opt later.

painful tonsils and dreaming of flowers

i've been on and off sick.my tonsil is giving me problems.the moment it starts to swell up i'll be in pain like crazy.even when im sitting still not moving a muscle. it still hurts rite down to my neck and back.have been going to the doctor twice and for now its getting better.please stay this way.i cant stand it when it swells up it'll hurt and i'll be down with fever.even grandpa said i look sick.i guess its because im usually cheerful and all and this time around i didnt talk much.grandma told me to go take a nap so i ended up falling asleep on the couch on a sunday afternoon while my toks and my family went fishing at the backyard..didnt get a chance to join i was snoozing..a random tought.i was thinking of putting fresh flowers in my room and in the house.coz i remembered i used to go to this place where they sell loads and loads of fresh flowes.the moment u step in there its smells so nice and the flowers are so pretty u'd wish ur house smells dat nice and has a sight of beautiful flowers.i want my room and to be like that place. yeah i wish..anyhows so 2mrw is monday.morning class gotta wake up early avoid the traffic jam and the joys of looking for parking.

holiday again?

semester jz started and we've only had 3 weeks of classes and we're back on holidays again.so the administrators have decided to give us all an early semester holiday.im guessing the h1n1 is really serious or before it gets worse they've decided to close the uni for a week.im hoping for the best that everyone involveld is doing their very best to control the virus.as for me this 1 week of holidays calls for me hanging around the house and lazying around.im sensing that im about to start making list of things i'd want to do during the 1 week holiday..

*xexy merah*

*happy 21st princess alia*

puteri alia turns 21.sorry lia i cant help you stop the clock.i dont have that kind of power in me.hehehe.welcome to the club lia.i know you feel older now.wishing you the all best and may Allah bless you.you're my oldest friend and you know we love you ; ). roadtrip was fun.tired from laughing a lot.especially the xexy and merah incident.tho the creepy incident seriously also really scared me.overall enjoyed it.we should plan on more roadtrips.can go further and go explore more place : )

urbanscapes

earliar during the day it was so very hot.but overall it was ok.the performances was good.tho i could only stayed for half of it.cz we were jz really2 tired.shopping was fun.they had so many booths selling loads of stuff.mostly stuff for girls tho.pity the boys not much stuff for them.hehehe.i bought two more handbags.i thought a lot if i should buy it or not.and i ended up buying it.i like the colour.scared mama bising.so i decided to leave the bags in my car.i have a slight tiny problem when it comes to shopping.particularly when it comes to handbags.i love to shop.haish...not good.anyways on a different topic saw one of the short movies.the one bout the soul was good.i get the message.if you're a person who's so heartless it would be just as tho u have no soul.cz slowly you'll jz lose your soul.so even if you were planning on selling your soul it'll be worthless if the person is jz a heartless person.hmm it got me thinking jgk..deep.it all comes down to what kind of a person are we all trully?i like the message the movie makers had to tell.watch some of the stand up comedians.or it was something like dat.didn't quite like some of the jokes tho..cz the jokes were kindda i would think as harsh and insensative.they had some fire performance and didgeridoo at night.liked that.day ended with slight car confusion by aqilah.silly funny kakak of mine.then went back home soo tired and went straight to sleep.